No Opera Until You've Watched Your Superman
There used to be this stuff classical music that they made you listen to that was supposed to be good for you. That's what Lex Luthor listens to on his yacht. Lex Luthor is bad, but sometimes he's funny because he's trying to do a Gene Hackman imitation from the other Superman, but that doesn't work very well because Kevin Spacey isn't good at being funny -- it's about timing -- so most of the time he's just bad. Except that's about timing, too, and you need a good script, so a lot of the time he really is kind of bad. It's not his fault, the movie just doesn't zero in on a tone for him.
But the point is that mostly bad people listen to classical music, except people who pretend to like it, but why do they have to pretend anymore? We have not only the original John Williams theme song, but a whole movie score by a guy who clearly knows what he's doing -- he's copying the cool-sounding Ligeti chorus from 2001: A Space Odyssey whenever Superman goes out of the atmosphere either for a quiet place to think or to save the space shuttle, or he's copying John Williams' romantic music for when the director copies the romantic flying scenes of Margot Kidder and Christopher Reeve. They are good copies. They probably make the critics feel smart, too, especially the really smart critics who notice that Kate Bosworth reaching for her pen in zero gravity is just like the Pan Am flight attendant reaching for a pen in 2001, and that Virgin Airlines owner Richard Branson plays the space shuttle pilot (what is this called, producer placement?) . Yes, critics like to feel smart. When critics feel smart they say that the movie was good.
We liked the original John Williams theme song. It's not like classical music, which we had to like. John Williams' theme song tells us that something important is going to happen, something we are going to like. And that thing is the sight of someone shooting a bullet in close range at Superman's eyeball and the bullet getting crushed and falling to the ground. That was cool, but I wasn't surprised, because Superman looks like he's made out of plastic in this movie. They have digitally airbrushed the actor, Brandon Routh, who does a pretty good job, he's good looking and likeable, but when he's digitally airbrushed it looks like the other actors, even Kate Bosworth, who is two inches away from him, are talking to empty space and he is being filled in later.
But at least he has the excuse of having been digitally airbrushed. What about poor Parker Posey, who has to play Ned Beatty to Kevin Spacey's Gene Hackman (right down to the plot of making Lex Luthor rich from real estate) but doesn't have a bit of help in the script or in the director to bring out that, hey, Parker Posey really can be funny if you know what to do with her, and she can be straight, too. Have you seen The House of Yes?
What about poor Eva Marie Saint, who was a gem in the last Wim Wenders movie but who has no help from that same script and that same director that Parker Posey had no help from, or, to be honest, from Brandon Routh, who is only Clark Kent in that scene and not airbrushed, but who probably isn't to blame either since he probably also has no help from the same script and the same director, etc.
Let's talk for a moment about Alfred Hitchcock. He's another director who is considered great. He chose scripts that treated characters like cuckoos in a clock and he directed actors as though they were cuckoos, but he wasn't weak. He was strong. You may not have felt good about what you were watching, but it didn't waver uncertainly, it didn't bore you. Let's be honest, Bryan Singer is weak. This movie is embarrassing to watch. It's boring. It's two and a half hours long and it feels long. If you think I'm being unfair, go see Superman Returns, then go home and rent The Terminator, and tell me if The Terminator does not wake your mind from a stupor. That stupor was caused by the first movie you saw, Superman Returns.
My question is, what's going on? Because something is going on, right? Boring movie, raving critics, stentorian score sprinkled with cute references, evil villain who listens to opera. Here's my theory: people need high art so that they have something they don't like that they are told is good for them, classical music used to fill that role but some people found out that it really is good, so now they need something that nobody can like but that everyone must feel that they must like. Superman Returns.
But the point is that mostly bad people listen to classical music, except people who pretend to like it, but why do they have to pretend anymore? We have not only the original John Williams theme song, but a whole movie score by a guy who clearly knows what he's doing -- he's copying the cool-sounding Ligeti chorus from 2001: A Space Odyssey whenever Superman goes out of the atmosphere either for a quiet place to think or to save the space shuttle, or he's copying John Williams' romantic music for when the director copies the romantic flying scenes of Margot Kidder and Christopher Reeve. They are good copies. They probably make the critics feel smart, too, especially the really smart critics who notice that Kate Bosworth reaching for her pen in zero gravity is just like the Pan Am flight attendant reaching for a pen in 2001, and that Virgin Airlines owner Richard Branson plays the space shuttle pilot (what is this called, producer placement?) . Yes, critics like to feel smart. When critics feel smart they say that the movie was good.
We liked the original John Williams theme song. It's not like classical music, which we had to like. John Williams' theme song tells us that something important is going to happen, something we are going to like. And that thing is the sight of someone shooting a bullet in close range at Superman's eyeball and the bullet getting crushed and falling to the ground. That was cool, but I wasn't surprised, because Superman looks like he's made out of plastic in this movie. They have digitally airbrushed the actor, Brandon Routh, who does a pretty good job, he's good looking and likeable, but when he's digitally airbrushed it looks like the other actors, even Kate Bosworth, who is two inches away from him, are talking to empty space and he is being filled in later.
But at least he has the excuse of having been digitally airbrushed. What about poor Parker Posey, who has to play Ned Beatty to Kevin Spacey's Gene Hackman (right down to the plot of making Lex Luthor rich from real estate) but doesn't have a bit of help in the script or in the director to bring out that, hey, Parker Posey really can be funny if you know what to do with her, and she can be straight, too. Have you seen The House of Yes?
What about poor Eva Marie Saint, who was a gem in the last Wim Wenders movie but who has no help from that same script and that same director that Parker Posey had no help from, or, to be honest, from Brandon Routh, who is only Clark Kent in that scene and not airbrushed, but who probably isn't to blame either since he probably also has no help from the same script and the same director, etc.
Let's talk for a moment about Alfred Hitchcock. He's another director who is considered great. He chose scripts that treated characters like cuckoos in a clock and he directed actors as though they were cuckoos, but he wasn't weak. He was strong. You may not have felt good about what you were watching, but it didn't waver uncertainly, it didn't bore you. Let's be honest, Bryan Singer is weak. This movie is embarrassing to watch. It's boring. It's two and a half hours long and it feels long. If you think I'm being unfair, go see Superman Returns, then go home and rent The Terminator, and tell me if The Terminator does not wake your mind from a stupor. That stupor was caused by the first movie you saw, Superman Returns.
My question is, what's going on? Because something is going on, right? Boring movie, raving critics, stentorian score sprinkled with cute references, evil villain who listens to opera. Here's my theory: people need high art so that they have something they don't like that they are told is good for them, classical music used to fill that role but some people found out that it really is good, so now they need something that nobody can like but that everyone must feel that they must like. Superman Returns.
posted by David Gillman at 8:10 PM
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